The painful kind of Love – Co-dependency

What do I feel about you?

I love you

When I think about you I want to cry

I want nothing more than to just forget you

but every time  I hear your voice I feel at home

What made us so close? I don’t know

As if our souls had already been acquainted

Being with you felt like being with someone who was already a part of me

You were an extension of my existence that made it feel complete

Your counsel and advice  took me through painful situations  so carefully

Your words and  presence bandaged me up so that I could face the real world

We became best friends

Then  without warning, you left.

I was a fragile existence, incomplete

My mind was no longer an inhabitant of my body,  it was too busy searching for yours

A stranger to myself

Life became unrecognisable,  unfamiliar to me

I hypothesised rationalised, scrutinised, fantasised, idealised, and then finally accepted that you were not coming back

Years later you reappeared, cried and told me that you loved me, it hurt you to hurt me

And I thought I could resist you, like my love had been vaccinated against the pain

But when I heard your voice all the emotions reappeared

And I loved you all over again

It became easier to stop hurting when you were not there

Now you are back and the love is too painful

I must deduce that my life is too fragile to accommodate hurt like that  again

So with great sadness and despair I have to let you go


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